How does borderline personality disorder affect relationships

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Does borderline personality disorder BPD affect relationships between family members, friends, or other people in the community? How could BPD specifically create troubles, and what can be done to resolve these problems? Many people with borderline personality disorder BPD experience intense and unstable relationships with others as a part of the disorder. This black and white thinking, or splitting, can spill over into all relationships including those at school or work with peers, professors, and instructors, managers, and supervisors.

If you have BPD, you may initially idealize a person or situation, throwing yourself into a relationship fully and without reservation. However, soon something may occur that conflicts with this idealized view, such as a harsh comment from a supervisor, a poor grade on a paper, or a fight with your partner. This conflict can cause you to switch from an idealized view to one of devaluation. You may think that there is suddenly nothing good about the person or situation and there never was.

Heightened sensitivity to rejection known as abandonment sensitivity may trigger your devaluing reaction. This sensitivity can cause you to overreact to real or perceived rejections.

The feeling of rejection is overpowering and consuming and can feel very real, regardless of whether it was truly meant or unintended. In response to devaluation, you may erupt in anger, quit the related task, become aggressive, or just give up. It is possible that the person, relationship, or task will again be seen as ideal, but it is also possible that the negative view will remain constant or that the damage that occurred will be irreversible. Friendships can be destroyed, jobs quit, or classes dropped.

It can be a debilitating experience with significant consequences. Borderline personality disorder can have a significant impact on your relationships. Even with your family members, you may be sensitive to rejection, changes in plans, or feelings of being slighted. These distortions in thinking can make you feel isolated, lonely, and helpless. In the past few years, significant progress has been made in understanding and treating BPD , both from a psychotherapy standpoint and through the use of medications.

There are many treatment options that have been proven to be effective. Assisting a loved one with seeking treatment can help you both better understand your own needs, as well.

If family members are interested and willing to learn more about BPD, Dr. Bringing a partner or loved one into therapy with a BPD patient can also be helpful, says Mr.

Miari, but only if the patient is comfortable with it. If patients and their loved ones are both willing, however, joint sessions can go a long way toward helping both sides understand each other and work toward a healthier relationship.

Partners and family members of people with BPD often describe the relationship as an emotional roller coaster with no end in sight. But you have more power than you think. You can change the relationship by managing your own reactions, establishing firm limits, and improving communication between you and your loved one.

In fact, patients with the most support and stability at home tend to show improvements sooner than those whose relationships are more chaotic and insecure.

The destructive and hurtful behaviors are a reaction to deep emotional pain. Recognizing the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder is not always easy. BPD is rarely diagnosed on its own, but often in conjunction with co-occurring disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, an eating disorder, or substance abuse.

Your family member or loved one with BPD may be extremely sensitive, so small things can often trigger intense reactions. Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways. This emotional volatility can cause turmoil in their relationships and stress for family members, partners, and friends.

Learning a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder can come as a source of both relief and hope. You may find yourself putting most of your energy into the person with BPD at the expense of your own emotional needs. But this is a recipe for resentment, depression, burnout , and even physical illness. Avoid the temptation to isolate. Make it a priority to stay in touch with family and friends who make you feel good. You need the support of people who will listen to you, make you feel cared for, and offer reality checks when needed.

Give yourself permission to have a life outside of your relationship with the person with BPD. Join a support group for BPD family members.

Try to avoid this pitfall. Learn to manage stress. Many friends or family members often feel guilty and blame themselves for the destructive behavior of the borderline person. You may question what you did to make the person so angry, think you somehow deserve the abuse, or feel responsible for any failure or relapse in treatment. The person with BPD is responsible for their own actions and behaviors.

Communication is a key part of any relationship but communicating with a borderline person can be especially challenging. People in a close relationship with a borderline adult often liken talking with their loved one to arguing with a small child. People with BPD have trouble reading body language or understanding the nonverbal content of a conversation. They may say things that are cruel, unfair, or irrational. Their fear of abandonment can cause them to overreact to any perceived slight, no matter how small, and their aggression can result in impulsive fits of rage, verbal abuse, or even violence.

The problem for people with BPD is that the disorder distorts both the messages they hear and those they try to express. Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down.